Getting What You Want

“I was ripped once”.

Sigh, I feel I’m too young to start telling “I was sexy once” stories, but here we go…

During my adolescent and young adult periods, having a body like the one you see was one of my obsessions. It created an unremitting thought pattern to where I felt the way I looked determined everything. Whether these thoughts or body-shame came first I cannot say.

In my high school years, the desire grew, leading me to low-level anorexia as well as non-purging bulimia. No fun. Through excessive exercise and severely limiting my caloric intake, I lost a lot of weight. In the process, I gained mononucleosis and developed an unhealthy fear of weight gain.


Eventually I chilled out, realizing that to have a body like the actors in “300” was unrealistic, and to maintain such a body all the more impractical. Daily, you’d need to intensely work out for hours. No thank you.

Fast-forward almost 10 years, and the obsession lessened. I found myself in Savannah, GA working for the corporate nightmare that is “Whole Foods”. Each of us overworked, and likely sleep-deprived (due to the frequent “clopenings”…ugh), there was additional stress added to an already demanding environment.

The job kept me constantly busy, and I was biking everywhere at the time. I was seriously stressed, as well as borderline-depressed (briefly). Ironically, these factors are what led to the old me’s dream:

I got ripped.

I still worked out here and there, but the body you see is due to a mix of negative emotional states as well as teetering with burnout syndrome. No fun. You can even see it a bit in my face, even though it was a dopey expression and a scruffy hair-length. 🙂

Why am I writing this? To warn you of letting your aspirations consume you. One day, you may get exactly what you want, though how you get there likely varies from someone else. There is no real reason to have a “ripped”, “jacked”, “toned”, or “insert buzzword here” body. Being healthy is one thing, being an extra in “Spartacus” is another.

Don’t let your desires “take over”. A desire is something which can change. A body, for example, is always changing. A little more of this or a little more of that makes no difference if one is in good health. So enjoy the body you have and don’t let a craving take hold of your mental health.

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4 Responses to Getting What You Want

  1. Beth Rupp says:

    Well this was unexpected!   I am both happy and sad about this article.  Sad that you felt like you did and went to the extremes you did to look a certain way, but happy that you realized life is to short to worry about such inconsequential things and are now healthy. This is something for everyone to think about.  Healthy is important but should not  be a full time job.  Anyway, thanks for the blog.  I Love You!!!! 


  2. Kalin says:

    Nice entry, duder! I’m glad you are on the other side of this. Life is too short, but I know that head space well and it is hard to escape. Thank you very much #ballet Oy!


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